So, you are going to have a baby!
Not your first baby, but perhaps your second, third, maybe even fourth. I
remember the excitement I felt when I knew my second was on the way. A playmate
for my son. I remember the joy of considering having another little person to
get to know and enjoy.
Then out of nowhere, the anxiety hit
and I thought, “How will my first born, previously known as the center of the
universe, respond?”
I think I felt this right around the
time I was seven months pregnant with my second. You know the time I’m talking
about; far enough along to be ready to be done being pregnant, but not nearly
long enough to finish all you feel like you have to.
It is certainly the point of
realizing the implications of how life is really going to change, again.
It was then that anxiety became an
emotion that I did not expect. How will Hayden (my first born) get the same
attention he had been getting? How will he know we still love him just as much?
How can we help him through this upcoming transition of chaos?
Honestly, I do not think I am any
different from other expectant mothers. I spent plenty of uncomfortable
sleepless nights wondering how to handle number one with the impending
introduction of number two.
I have read articles about keeping
the same routine for your first, trying not to upset the apple cart to much, so
they realize that despite the giant upheaval life just gave them, they can
still expect their naptime to be 1:00 pm.
I also read ideas on one-on-one
timing. Give your first-born special outings, special alone time with
mom/dad/grandparents whoever. The idea is they will realize their continued
importance within the family.
Another option people suggested was
if your first born was old enough, give them new responsibilities, help them
identify their role as the older sibling and why this is such a “better” gig
anyway.
You get the idea, but I have to tell
you that all these ideas gave me was more worry. They reinforced my fear. “I
was going to damage this precious child who up until now, had all the attention
in the world!”.
Almost three years later, I am
claiming pregnancy (and post-partum) insanity. There is no way on earth that
you can keep the same routine. Period. The end.
You may try, but let’s face it; life
is different with a new baby in the house. Everything from wake up to bedtime
is different with two or more kids.
You may find time to squeeze in
alone time with the first-born, or be blessed to have a person who can help
with that, but in fact, this is where I actually learned the true art of
multi-tasking.
In my alone time with Hayden, I
taught him how to fold laundry and load the dishwasher, needless to say at 18
months, which is how old he was when Tucker was born, I was tricking myself
into believing that I could incorporate alone time and additional big boy
responsibility.
In all seriousness, my fears for my
first-born were real, I don’t deny that, but as a mom who attempted to do the
above to some extent, I certainly had not given myself, or my son, enough
credit.
If you’re in the same situation, follow
your oldest child’s lead. Keep them in (or offer them) activities. Keep them
engaged in dance, their music, computers, or other outside interests. This will
give them the time away to be themselves without little brother or little
sister. At home, you are a family and it is such a blessing to have all of
those relationships and personalities.
I’m weathering the storm and you too
will figure out by trial and error how to love, balance, and give to each child
the support and attention they need. In the end kids are resilient.
You love them and because you have
the awareness to take care of their needs individually, you will give them the
sense of identity and strength they need.
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